| 1906 words | 7 minutes | psychological blog | women’s mind |
After the whole heated 5.30 hours of your mom’s struggle, you made your first cry.
Everyone was so keen on knowing what’s the gender! Doctor lifted you up and said “it’s a girl” with a smile like she didn’t know it earlier.
When I ask my grandma, why she (The Doctor) didn’t open it up earlier? She replied about rules for “Feticide”. At the age of 5, I didn’t understand what my grand ma tried to tell me. She speaks like “The Fear of Society” and the girl kid being a burden to the family from childhood, raising it safe, doing all the necessities like tidies and finally marrying her to someone.
But, why to kill the girl for these reasons? Aren’t they going to do the same for a boy kid? I asked in a confusion.
That’s where the boy and a girl stand in their path with differences. The boy will take care of the family and stays within the family but, for a girl it’s difficult to stay with her family after marriage. The bond between the girl and her family literally broke to nothing after her marriage.
You are lucky to be borne in this period of times. Else, everyone might have said monkey thief was born instead of Lakshmi came home which, they used to tell me at the time I was born.
When I inquired her about why not a girl stays with her family? Will the tidies get stopped after her marriage… she stopped me in the middle and told me to wear the frock instead of my trousers and started explaining me about good touch and bad touch. She pampered me in the last saying, all your questions will be answered when you become an adult.
I didn’t get whatever she said including things about touches which subconsciously gets me a fear about everyone and misunderstood many people even when that’s a gentle tap at that stage of my life.
What happened earlier that scene, I don’t remember! This is my foremost memory which will strike my mind whenever I try to remember about my childhood, I stopped and looked at the doctor’s face.
So, that’s the first incident which raised questions in you like, what’s the difference between a girl and a boy? And in what way the girl became inferior to the man, right?
Yes doctor! That’s the first time I think, I’m asking permission to go out and play and that’s the first thought sowed on my mind.
Fine, from there how Mathivathani grown up till she reaches her puberty? Doctor questioned me
My primary education is made by my height. It was 2 boys and 2 girls in the bench based on the height order. They were my friends and my bench mates until 5th grade. Apart from P. T periods, we used to play mostly outdoor games mainly by me & Vineeth (one of the bench mates) who is so fast in running and my objective is to beat him at least once. Later I learned to swim and I became the fastest. Not only in the class but, in my school in my category.
Everything went well like a common kid of that age except the thought about my dress code, a frock which I don’t find comfortable except during my time in the restroom.
I reached 6th grade. The first thing I was happy about is the change in dress code. May be, that’s the only happiness I had at that time. Because, everything I love, started leaving me. The girl who used to sit with me went to another section. The boys, well, one left the school and one went to the other side of the room named boys side.
Earlier, we never cared about differences in gender. Now, it was implied. Not like an advice or an explanation but, a rule. Here, the friends are made of people who are toppers of the class. We the top ranker made the bond on 6th grade and while reaching 7th we became group leaders and I found my companion Vaishali as my group student.
From a group of 4, my life was literally reduced to half of its size. Yet, I try to be happy with her. This is the period where my body begins to show transformations initially. My mom begins to talk closely to me, and she asked my father to keep a distance from me. I loved my mom being so close but, I’m a pet to my father so, I hated that distance of being separated from him.
The senses made me to start understanding the gender differences through body transformations, private talks in groups and discussions based on our private life. The day my mom waited for came. I hit puberty! And became the overnight star in the locality and I’m so happy that, everyone pampered me like a princess. I didn’t have any idea that these are trainings to tame me, and to make me run in the society in their direction.
Sometimes I thought about guy’s in this stage, poor people who don’t even know when they reach puberty and their parents being so close to them to explaining to them the changes in mind and in body that they’ll face.
As this pleasure hits, a trouble joins in the name “zonal-tournaments”. My family (especially my father) didn’t allow me to participate in swimming. Reason being told that, this stage of life decides my career. So, concentrate on studies. But the main reason is the attire that we (girls) have to carry while participating may lead to cultural disagreement as I’m the only kid for my house.
After days of explanations about how I feel while swimming, my dad decides to allow me to the point where I have to carry my discipline in wearing those outfits. After that point, my dad advised me to either fight for my rights to wear those based on my comfort else, I have to quit.
He firmly believed that ones dress code is purely their choice & comfort but, making it look sexy is a thought implied by the male society who enjoys seeing girls in those attires. I find it reasonable too.
At those times my friend Vaishali’s story line went different. She is the younger kid in the family with a brother and with a conservative orthodox family setup she wasn’t allowed to participate in the tournaments (sprint) or to run after whatever her wish is. Instead, they (her family) presented her the gifts of comparison with others and that being the reason for the usual teenage gap between the family and her.
If my family had not allowed me to run after my passion, redirected me to something else and being not open with me while I tried to share my feelings, I might get distanced from my family, may feel depressed and might fell in love too. But that didn’t happen. Unfortunately, those things happened to my friend Vaishali.
When I longed for opportunities to excel my skills, she longed for someone to share her feelings and to pamper her. Though I’m there, she fell in love. When I tell her that, he’s not a good guy, and he only wants to have sex with her; She’s not ready to give him up as she finds him the only source for her feelings to be shared. So, she said, I’ll make him feel my love and turn him into a good person.
I’m still angry on her for that doc… “You don’t have to be angry my dear. This is a common thing a soul will do irrespective of the gender. A guy is marrying or will go after a girl mainly for his sexual desires. But when you look at a girl, her prime motive is to have kids and to find someone who’s providing her guarantee that she’ll be safe and secure. That’s a psychological thing. If they are a sportsman or people with commitments based on passion, they don’t waste their time spending over chatting things and luring over. If they don’t then, they obviously do the above” The doctor intervened my speech.
I was speechless for a minute. May be, these are the reasons why my mom advised me to look for a guy who’s committed towards something. Then I continued… We were almost at the end of our 10th grade. I was in control with my grandparents and uncle. Because my parents were not there with me as one car accident took them away from me! I was asked to choose between Computer science and Arts. The reason my uncle told me is, “being a girl why to spend more on studies like Medical science. Choose simple subjects and get your career in an IT company”.
They are not even ready to ask about my thoughts on my career. My wish for becoming a swimmer stopped right there. Same with Vaishali (Her wish for becoming an Aeronautical Engineer). For her, the parents are with her yet, the reason for our studies haven’t changed. I liked to change the subject of defaming a woman and wished to do something to the society. So, I chose B. A Journalism. Since she’s (Vaishu) not with any plans, she too joined the same.
Once we entered college, the environment literally gave us some freedom and opportunities which we were not really ready for many times. Apart from the college life being told for Love and Entertainment values, it was ready to give us some responsible values too. Also, it gives opportunities for us to dig our passion one more time on swimming and sprinting. Now, we are the divisional responsibilities for the teens who are onto swimming and marathon in and around Coimbatore.
“That’s a great move my dear. Good work!”, the doctor’s appreciative voice spilled out in the middle.
I might want to say “Thanks” but, My problems are my thoughts. It isn’t going good with the flow of the society. First, my looks. None willing to support me in this Tomboy attire. Second, my thoughts about getting married. Everyone around me are looking at the marriage like a fantasy dream. The expectations are off the charts. Those are the feelings of incapable woman who are trying to acquire that status of being treated like a queen at least through this.
‘What’s your suggestion for my thoughts?’, I completed my self-description to doctor Mughilavaani.
“If you look at the Tomboy’s out there, mostly they are on that attire due to their inferiority complex thinking that, woman is inferior in gender to a man. That’s not the case with you! You are in it just for your comfort”
“Most girls primary thought is to have a husband who is always taking care of her and to live an independent life from their parents. Their goal is to showoff their life like celebrating every moment which is also not possible. This is not your case too!”
“Many people are coming to get their identity through us to get the knowledge about their passion and during the times, when their time is literally not in their hands to run after their wishes. This too not in your case!”
“If this is your status, it’s your grandparents who should get counseled my dear”
The doctor’s words pulled tears out of my eyes! She didn’t ask me anything later. She just wishes me “All the Best” and for that I have only one word to tell her…